I don't think that I have come to terms with not having more children. I don't think that it has clicked that I will never be pregnant again. I don't think that I grasp that I won't feel the growth of a life inside of me. But as I watch my 4 kids quickly grow, it might be hitting me. I will never nurse my babies again. I will never smell their sweet baby breath again. I will never touch the toes of my babies before they have touched the ground for the first time. I will never rock my babies to sleep again.
So how do I come to terms with it? I am not sure. There are a few things that help me learn, grow, and deal with things. Prayer. Photography. Writing. I am not the best with my words, but I know that I can't be the only mom going through this, so I thought I would reach out and share my heart. I am praying for peace to be content with my family being complete. And capturing these moments through photography are so incredibly priceless.
I hate being photographed. I always have 10 pounds to lose. My hair always needs to be brushed. My makeup is always smudged. I always seem to have snot from a toddler on my clothes somewhere. No time seems like the right time for me to be in pictures.
But my kids are growing. They are growing way too fast. I am starting to think that I won't lose 10 pounds, and apparently I can't brush my hair more than once a day. And within minutes of putting on clothes, one of the littles rubs their face on my shirt. So it's time to get over it. I need to get over myself, or else I am going to miss out on capturing life. I am challenging myself to embrace myself. After all, this is how my kids see me.
I don't think I have any pictures with my mom. Maybe when I was a baby, but I am not even sure about that. She hates pictures. And she would probably not be too thrilled if she knew I was sharing this with the world. But I don't have any photos with my mom, and by George, I am not doing that to my kids. I want my kids to see my love for them captured in photographs.
I challenge you, the one that has 10 pounds to lose, messy hair, and toddler boogers all over.... Get in the pictures. Our kids are growing older, and so are we. They will never be this small again.
Here's me and my littlest, Daxen. My wonderful 12 year old daughter captured these beautiful moments. And, no, I didn't brush my hair.